if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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