He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
