my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
