So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
