Reggie can tackle my bush.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i now understand why vodka
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
