Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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