I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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