3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
