I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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