R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why is your signature on my underwear?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
