When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
