So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
