Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
