dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he puts the penis in happiness.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
