If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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