mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
