I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
