you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
