You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
