he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
