That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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