At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
