I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
