Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
