Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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