"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
