just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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