remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
