If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
