it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
