I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
