I seem to have left my pride at pride
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
