Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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