So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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