So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
