She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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