Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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