If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
