so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
