I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
