All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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