the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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