Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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