I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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