I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
