I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
