Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ruined the universe
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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