my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
