so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
