i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
