I think my fart just growled at me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
