Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
